Change... it's a blowing in the wind!.

I haven't spent much time here lately, perhaps to my detriment... or perhaps that's just the way had to be. I have written many posts on how much my life has changed in the last 18months, and well... basically the only way to descibe what has hapened is to say that the Cas you all knew and loved got swallowed up in those changes. A new language and culture, ment that everything about me changed.

Simply put, things like not knowing how to be funny and how to make people laugh, or how to sound intelligent (a push in english I know!), or how to sound like I actually know what the hell I'm doing in this world, affected me profoundly. Even when I was conversing in English, my meaning was often lost. A new language ment that I could no longer be a nurse, I couldn't go to work and know that I was doing something I was good at, nor that I was even helping people. My friendships were left behind and I didn't know how to make new ones. The list of the negatives I was dwelling on are endless. Over the last three months or so, I completely disapeared. Gone was the flawed but happy, fun loving, sarcastic, party girl!

However, change, it certainly is a happenin'!

Two weeks ago I was forced to stand alone, and on my own two feet. It hurt like a pain I've never felt before and I felt more lost than ever. Two weeks, is however, a long time when it comes to devistation. Somewhere in that time, my survival instincts have kicked in and I've managed to achieve more for myself in the last two weeks, than I had in the previous 18 months. (well me, with support from Savill and Nettan).

I've found an apartment.
I've discoverd a fantastic friend had been standing right in front of me and I just couldn't see her.
I've started my masters degree.
I'm making plans for myself and I'm not looking back.

So while it's a scary world, life it must go on.

I intend on staying in Sweden until the end of this year, and you never know - I might even come back after that. Not to continue the life I thought I would have with Håkan, but to live the life I should have been living from the start. I suspect that emotionally, Håkan left me a while ago, it just took him a little longer to do it physcially. He's angry and disapointed with who I became, and I don't blame him. I'm angry and disapointed with who I became. I'm starting to remember who I really am, and how strong I can be - if I just choose to be. I will find my way on my own and I will have fond memories of this country, ones I would never have had with him.

We can go over everything when I get home to Australia, but until then, expect posts from me about the new found pleasures of living in Sweden.

Missing you all to the moon and back xxxxxxx