It’s hard to be certain of where exactly we fit in this world, and harder still when it feels like your heartstrings are pulled in 100 different directions. I’m currently sitting in transit – literally and emotionally. Physically I’m in Abu Dhabi airport awaiting my flight to London, and emotionally I am in transit between my family, friends, home and all the familiar comforts that affords me, and my return to Håkan and to his beloved Sweden. Now I have no hesitations with regards to this return, I know that I belong with Håkan, therefore for now I belong in Sweden. However, the “transit” is what I find difficult.
It has become a fact in my life that basically I am always missing people in my heart. When I am in Sweden, I miss my family and friends, when I am with my family and friends I am missing Håkan and when I am in transit I am missing everyone. I am trying to reflect upon a blog I wrote last year while in transit in Canada. It was such an exhilarating time and I was filled with enthusiasm and for the life of me with this transit, I cant get that enthusiasm back. I am not sure if it is because of extreme exhaustion or because I know what lies ahead?? Last year I was excited, and well naive with regards to how my life would turn out in Sweden.
I am positive that this year will be a lot easier than last, however, by the same token easier than the last doesn’t mean easy. Håkan and I have both said on many occasions if we knew what we were getting ourselves into, we might not have done it. So now all I can think of, is what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right? And what didn’t break us last year, certainly made us 1000 times stronger, so I guess instead of wasting my energy trying to find the same enthusiasm and that lust for life I had whilst in transit last year, I am going to use this time to reflect on the past year and how the "difficulties" we have endured, are also what has led to provide me with a incredible relationship with a person I had no idea would prove to be so generous, loving, supportive and dependable.
So I guess here is to the not so exciting times in out lives, and may the hard work prove to bring us all wonderful wonderful things!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Transit by name, transit by nature……
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2 comments:
dude, these last few posts have had me in tears! We are missing you...but although we would love you both back home, we know that can't happen just yet. We live in hope that it will be soon...but obviously we understand that when it happens, it happens.
And this writing thing, you should definitely look into some more. I am about to buy a website, so I need you to write up some stuff for me - intro, who I am, etc! Please? (you'll have nothing to do with the swede doing this bloody course!!).
Yeah I can of course do that for you!! Even if the bloody swede wasnt in 3 bands AND studying AND working full time!
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